Question

"Who do you wanna be with when the world ends?"

I was mildly surprised when I heard this question, for I had never expected to hear this question again. Twice I was asked, and twice, I had the same answer, despite it being two very different persons that asked this question.

For some funny reason, hearing this question served to confirm that which I already know.

Perhaps when the time is right, all will become clear.

Looks like there's gonna be quite a lot of confusion and raised eyebrows.

I'm just waiting for June to come.

Final

Surprisingly the truth which I suspected finally came to light on its own. No probing, shoving, pushing or negativity.

It just appeared.

However, I am thankful that finally, we can bloody move on from this dreadful topic and get on with our lives, and that somehow, I always knew what it was, and that I was only waiting for the admission/confession.

Thus today, I got what I wanted after several months of probing and massive lacerations of the heart.

Only to find that it is an empty victory. After all, what's the point of knowing that which you already know?

It's disappointing, really. To find that, the one thing I've been searching for my entire life, tarnished, ruined, almost to the point of beyond repair.

Yes, I could fix it. Yes, I can still have it. But a part of me, deep down inside, is screaming away: "No. This isn't what I want. Much as you want this, look at its condition! You don't want this!!"

I've always believed in Fate, and this past one year has made me think and think again. Fate really exists, and it exists to fuck around with us.

5 years ago. It's always that damned period.

5 years ago, yearning for that which has come to past and will never go back again.

5 years ago, when everything that could have been, can never be.

5 years ago. What on earth gave me the courage to ask that which I did?

How many more missed opportunities am I gonna have to see? How many more "5 years ago" am I gonna feel?

The choices that I am about the make, the words that I am about to make known.. Will it once again result in another "5 years ago", 5 years down the road?

Damnit all. Fate really loves to screw around with us.

Lost

Whatever am I doing? Whatever the hell am I doing?

I'm lost this time, really really lost.

What is it that I want from this situation?

I've never felt this empty before.. and never expected to feel this way.

Losing something precious just to gain that which is my dreams. Losing my dreams just to obtain that something precious. What's the difference?

I have so much to think about. Again.

That old old wound again

It hurts. It fucking hurts.

The very same wound left festering for 4 years has re-opened again.

It hurts. I thought it had healed and would never come back again. But nope. I'm the partial cause afterall. It just hurts so damn bad.

Hahhahaha.

Laughing and crying, I'm getting used to it.

Simple

Simple.

So simple.

I know what I want now.

But it is near impossible, if not outright impossible, to achieve/obtain.

So simple. Yet so impossible.

Why do I feel like crying and laughing at the same time?