Fragile

I'm back to where I was, a decade ago.

It's ironic. Everything is exactly the same. Boatload of problems, financial difficulties, fucked up friends, heartbroken, and a shitty relation with my dad.

Only difference is probably that I look better and am old now. Haha.

It took me years to recover. Hell, I can't even remember if I ever truly recovered. The events from ten years ago changed me, and made me who I am. Will this round of events serve to do the same?

I don't know.

I'm emotionally fragile right now. I've not felt this way in such a long time. Friendship has made me weak. The slightest prick right now will shatter me, just as it did before, so many years before.

Please. Anything but those days. Willpower kept me going, but I was younger, and I had the energy.

Now? I'm just a drained old man. I have hardly the mental sustenance to keep me going as I once did when u was young. The things that came into my life and held me up are tearing apart under the pressure.

How long more must I endure this? How much more bitterness and inequality must you let me suffer and witness before you will let me go? Until I breathe my last?

Is it not enough that you gave me knowledge and repeated lessons that all that I know is useless? That I'm condemned to live out my life as a useless individual destined never to accomplish anything? So much so that you must continually place stark reminders and temptations in my way to cause me more suffering? Why don't you just simply cut me open and salt me, since I'm nothing but an ulcer to you?

No, you're not God, for you're fucked up. But you sure as hell is a sonofabitch. Thanks.