The pain of losing a dear friend

Haha. To think I'm almost crying because of a guy. Cool, I'm gay now!

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Dear J***,

It's been 15days since our last chat exchange on whatsapp. Says alot about how much you care huh? Sure, I understand  you're "busy", but it's impossible to send a text my way in like 5 sec. Yup.

I'm writing this because as of this moment, I think I gave up hoping. Hoping that I was wrong about you. So instead of meeting you to clear the air, I'm gonna just do this in the most  KS way I can: Steam messenger.

I have only ONE question whirling in my head the entire time:

"What kinda person am I to you?"

Am I just a +1 count on your FB page? Or am I one of those hounds among your friends lusting after your money? I've always wondered BTW, but then I guess it doesn't matter now?

You're probably thinking this whole shit is business related. Yeah, you're partially right, because that's how I found out how you tell others the way you see me.

"A guy who is willing to lose friends to build an MLM business", huh? I see. Thanks for the compliment. It's  real swell to know that this is the image I portray despite the 3+ years of friendship we had.

To lose a friend, let's see.. I made you:
1) Listen to a couple of CDs.
2) Read a book.
3) Told me "No" and left you alone
4) Didn't even attempt to sell you anything.

And you then go around telling people slander and smear my reputation when firstly, you have no idea what the business is about, and MOST IMPORTANTLY: YOU THINK I'M THAT KINDA PERSON?

Thanks. I'm really flattered. I couldn't give 2 hoots how you put down the business. I couuldn't care if you felt I was an idiot to think about it. You think I didn't catch your hints over in FF14 guildchat? "MLM MLM LOL".

But to think you would put me down in front of friends and others, it's either that's what you really think of me, or a really bad joke. I'll give you a list of our mutual friends that I asked BTW.

Mil****, SQ, Mel, Shok, Marc, DS. 6 total.

Marc & DS said no, left them alone, they never even heard anything "MLM" from me. Ask them.

Mil**** suddenly "threw" my materials back to me and didn't wanna talk about it. I felt it was weird but didn't pursue further. Now I know why.

SQ / Mel are the same as you, went through everything, said no. SQ I showed catalog because she knows about it anyway.

Shok I never bothered anymore. I know to back off. Your bestie right? Now getting chased by the INHUMANE MLM BASTARD.

Maybe you stopped reading before this point, so be it. If you are still reading, read this: all those above didn't matter. Just so you understand how "i lose friends".

HERE'S THE PERSONAL PART.

I've always known I'm that low down friend of yours.
I'm poor. I'm constantly broke.
I seem to be constantly wanting to loan money from you, right?
Thankfully I didn't. ESPECIALLY that I didn't take up that TW trip offer. THANK GOD.
I'd have never heard the end of it.
After all I'm just a money greedy person right?

AND THAT'S WHY IT HURTS LIKE A BITCH TO FIND OUT:

You badmouth me just moment before I was over at your Scape stall scrapping shit out and getting thinner addicted. When I had a date planned that day, I cancelled it for you. I even offered to take Monday urgent leave to help you continue on Monday morning.

All this done by a fucking money-greedy guy, being his back people were calling him "LOL MLM friend loser".

Your screwed-up wooing sessions with Mil****, too. I helped you behind the scene talk to Mil**** (because she told me) and helped you patch friendship relationship back. Multiple times she wanted to leave things awkward. I helped to put things back together.

But it's OK. I'm just the greedy MLM bastard.

Mel. For all the times when she got so pissed at you she wanted to ignore you and leave the clique. The countless times I convinced her that you were clowning around and didn't mean to hurt her and she gave you chances.

Doesn't matter right? MLM bastard pulling relationships.

All the times I put in time and energy for you, your mom, your ex's. AS A FRIEND. I thought I had at least shown what kinda character I was. I forgave you for the whole "don't tell KS fiasco" with HY and vichelle when I barely knew you.

So now I know.

I'm sad, truly. Losing friends is always a nasty thing. But to know I got backstabbed in such a bitch manner by someone I put in so much for.

Wow. Thanks for showing me what friends mean.

Take care and have a good holiday season.
I guess this year is gonna be different now.
Thanks for all the fun before.

-Sincerely,
Your money-greedy MLM friend-loser.

Unappreciated

I believe in karma.
I know what I do, I know what I'm doing, I know what I've done.
I believe in my righteousness.

Doing so much behind the scene work just to solve other people's problems and taking no credit for it.
Ends up, I'm unappreciated and even backstabbed simply because I'm not the kind to be flashy or take credit for the things I do.

Fine. Karma and time will tell.

If you think you have better friends than what I am doing for you, feel free to discard me.
If you think that I'm such a lousy low-life that's barely worth your attention, fine.
If you think saying shit about others and what they do when you have no fucking idea, go ahead.

Karma will turn around and bite you hard in the ass.
Meantime, since you do not wish to acknowledge that I have an issue with you, sure.
Enjoy your time with your "rich" and "fun" and "caring" friends.
When the day comes that you have no one to help you, we'll see.

To think that on the very day I made time to help solve your problems, you say such shit about me and smear my name in others' presence.
To think that I made alterations to my plan just to help you solve your problems.
To think that I was prepared to take time off work at my expense and leave just to ensure that your problems are resolved.

You treat me like a fool.
Fine. You will have your just desserts.

Screw you.

Vent

Hello.

And I'm back.

Why am I always back to this accursed place?

I swear sooner or later this place is gonna grow a soul and consume critters.

I need to vent, again.
I'm breaking down.
So I need a break.
Irony, needing a break when I'm breaking.

When can I get a break?!

... Okay I'm done venting tonight. Too tired to event vent more. haha.

Over

I'm gonna stop believing now.

Every time I raise my hopes, every time it gets taken down, hard.

I'm done. Perhaps I truly need to wait, years maybe, even. Or should I just stop hoping altogether?

Is that what you want?

You win, dude, you win. Proven your point enough? Do what you must then. You sure love sending me on Merry-Go-Rounds just to tell me repeatedly that wherever I am just does not work.

Thanks. I got it already, so please, do me favour, tomorrow morning, please, get them to send me back replies to seal the deal and I'll just be on my damned way to yet another day.

Drained

I guess that's it.

My rage has drained to the point I no longer vent as frequently now.
If I had to guess.. I probably shortened my lifespan by 5-10years?

Hahaha.. Well that might be a good thing.

Anyways, time to embark on my new journey.
A white blog full of funnies; the contradiction of this one.

I'll be back though, I'm sure.

This will stay as my inner dark self.

Outburst

It happened again.

And each time it happens, the headache that comes after becomes more severe.

I guess a few more times and I'm gonna rip my brain arteries a new hole somewhere.

Better go get my will done in case I keel over for no particular reason.

Ragnarok Online

Ragnarok Online.

The name brings back unbelievable memories. This song. I fell in love with it the moment I heard it play. Hearing it now makes me want to tear up.



Scrolling my cursor down, I saw a Youtube user's comment:













Although I never experienced the same warmth of having met and made friends online, I understood how he felt when I quit RO as well. All the memories, the cheers, laughs, excitement and frustrations.. You can never believe how much this game meant to me.

Games, as well as books, anime, and manga, were the source of my soul's salvation, my escape from reality. Certainly, it made me an "otaku", so what? At least I'm living with a source of comfort, however meagre.

When I learnt of RO2's final release as an OBT (Open Beta Test), I was overjoyed. I kept myself up through the night knowing I needed my sleep for work the next day, but screw that. RO came first.

The login screen. I was filled with trepidation as I went through the motions of logging into a game that I had been waiting forever for. But I was disappointed.

True it is an OBT, but the game was so unpolished and had so many bugs and issues and translation fails that  it totally boggles my mind. How can anyone fail that bad? WTF? Don't you guys have the money to hire people with proper English? I had to admit, the first few hours/levels of gameplay was awesome for me. But it was a totally different game now, one which had lost the flavour that was RO.

I have so much I wish to talk about this but I know I need my sleep. Another day perhaps, I'll continue my story.