Still

Time flies.

It's been about 4 weeks since exams has ended but I've yet to take a breath of fresh air. And chill.

It's Friday. Once the weekends are over, my attachment commences. No more chances to rest then, either. Plus the fact that I'm supposed to clean up for CNY, of which I've done nothing whatsoever.

Goodness gracious. And as I ponder over the time spent I realize that I have quite alot of commitments unfulfilled. It's crazy.

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All I can say is that, I'm really fortunate. I really am. To have two persons wholeheartedly commit themselves, all the while waiting for an answer and preparing themselves for the worse.. I don't know what to say. They're both willing to accept the pain and move on, if they deem that I would be happy with my choice.

Thankful as I may be, what did I ever do to deserve such true feelings?

Learning more about her past made me realize how much protection she needed. While it certainly differs from HY's on a whole different level, the magnitude is the same. The weight of their burdens and problems are so massive that it made me go "wow". I never imagined that I would be challenged in carrying the burden of others, especially when I have learnt to carry them since young.

Perhaps this is a challenge issued to me by whatever omni-potent power there is out there.

Perhaps there is no right answer to my questions. Much as I feel it is unfair.. what is there that I can do about it? Disappointment comes from knowing that it was given to someone else, and that it will be given to someone else.

Never me.

Perhaps this is my retribution for causing so much hurt, pain and suffering.

Perhaps this is simply my fate, my life.

The life of a loser, a good guy, who always finishes last.