Unconditional

Unconditional.

That's what's stopping me from going back.

Having traveled this far down this bumpy road, I've come to realize why I chose to stay put. It's all because of what I'm getting. You're right, I thought of it myself too.

Perhaps she's just not being picky because she knows she has no right to choose.
Perhaps she's simply resigned to fate and feels that she shouldn't choose.
Perhaps she's doing this just for show, only to reveal her true self later.
Perhaps she's just decided that she found what she wanted.

But hey, lots of questions we can ask, all the time. But on my end, you're right. I deserve better, she doesn't deserve, etc, etc.

Thinking about it for awhile now, I know what is it that draws me to her and keeps me there. Conversely, it's what pushing me away from you and making me stay, too.

The title says it all.

Unconditional. That's how I want my love to be. And that's how I feel, love, should be.

But you, you didn't see it. You saw your love as concern, as putting me on a top priority, as being how a family member should be. You're not wrong, but you're not completely how a family should be, precisely because you   didn't love me unconditionally. It's always something-for-something with you. You're only giving in when you see changes. You only change when you're happy with me about something. You only decide to give me something when I gave given you something else.

It's always: "I wanna see you do something before I'll give you what you want/deserve."

In fact, this post probably sums up all of the problem I have with you, minus the frustrations, emotions and words. This is the root cause of our split. Because for everything you've done for me, it's a return, not a gift.

And the way I see it, you'll never change. Especially of all the people in this world, you will never change. Because your greatest strength is also your fatal weakness: Your persistence.

Last when we spoke, you agreed that I've done all that I could. Why? Simply because of this one word:

Unconditional. The way it should be. And you know exactly what I mean.