Empty

Looking at other people's blogs.
Looking at other people's facebook profiles.
Looking at other people's tweeter posts.
Looking at other people's pictures.

I envy.

I always wonder why is it that I do not have such happy and wonderful memories. And I envy.

I thought I could be better after all that has happened. Apparently, I was wrong. Not to say that now is better or worse than before, but certainly, I've yet to reach the place I wanna go.

Feeling so empty. Lacking the motivation to continue. Wanting to end it all.

Why? People tell me "good things come to all who waits". Sure, how come you're all so sure of that? Even so, why do I have to be kept waiting? 


Why do I have to look on as others live out their lives of bliss and joy while here I am looking on, green with envy, on the sidewalks?

Why do I have to keep taking over people's hand-me-downs and hand-me-outs?

Why must I keep on waiting and waiting only to despair further as I see my chances diminishing?

Am I so much of a pauper and beggar that I never deserve something new, something pure, something honest and good?

Have I done so much wrong that I do not deserve anything?

If so, fine, so be it my punishment then. But why then, do I see sinners and evil-doers getting the best of everything?

How is it that following my principles and the path of "good" as was instilled in me, a bad choice?

I hate this world.