Gaming

I suspect now I know what is it about games that attract me. Certainly, being an avid book reader, I love great stories and would kill to get to read one. Games take that one step further, allowing you to interact with the story characters and events directly, resulting in an immerse story-telling experience.

And yet, if that were to be the case, then my dedication to reading and gaming should be almost equal, shouldn't it? After all, the greatest titles in the world still exist in paper form and not in games, though that is not to say that games are inept in the storytelling arena.

I suspect, that a huge part of games that allures me is the fact that I can put in effort and obtain results that I desire. Achievement, virtual items, satisfaction, you name it. That isn't reflective of real-life, where many a times you're restricted and limited to boundaries and parameters that you can never break free from.

For example? Look at me, while I'm worrying and calculating my monthly income just so I can pay off my debts and also to live a proper life, I'm hearing my friends talking about how their shops and FACTORIES are faring. I mean, what? While the price of the shampoo I use is enough to make me concerned, my friends are now worrying about rental costs and setting up factories.

Like, what? We're all 25-year olds and living in the same country, right? Why such a massive difference?

But then again, I'm someone easily satisfied, hence it doesn't concern me. What makes me tick though, is how I wish for and desire something. Something which I know will likely never be mine. It cannot be bought, it cannot be alternated for, it cannot be obtained, by me anyway.

It is a paradox, for in order to obtain it, I need to get out of my current situation, but once I am out of my situation, will I still be needing it? And furthermore, the purpose of obtaining said objective is only of value here and now. If I can get it in the future, so what? It's meaningless.

It's just like education. My dad said this during a fight: "It's such a waste you're not a lawyer, given your talent and knack to find sources and logic to argue about." Certainly, I understand and I know I'm a wasted talent, being an engineer when I could have been something else, something much more. What am I to do, when I lack the resources and abilities when I was young to be able further that which would empower me?

All my choices in my entire life have been made for the sake of prosperity and for the urgency of the situation. Never have I been allowed to choose that which I wanted from the bottom of my heart, but then again, as I said, did I have the ability to make that choice?

No. Now, I do, in a way, but again, the situation is different. My needs have changed (certainly my wants still remains, that's a good thing though), but Needs always triumph Wants. Hence, the cycle continues.

I wish, if wishes could come true, for me to be granted this one desire at least. I guess I'm alright with life's imbalances and injustice; all I pray for is for me to be able to catch my breath and take a break. I just want this little part of my life to be perfect, just so that I can address everything else.

I truly don't think it is too much to ask for. I just wish.. and will continue to wish for it to come true.

When I look back and think, will I remember what I wished for?