Bitter

Am I right?
Did I do it right?
Have I made it right?
Is this decision right?
How can I make it right?
Should this be what is right?
Could I be sure that this is right?
What else can there be that is right?

Every choice I make I wonder if it is right.

I am angry, upset, hurt, disappointed.
Over and over again.
Perhaps I should really do as my ultimate trump card suggests.
Perhaps I should just become what I've sworn to become.
Perhaps I should just give up on it all.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

So what if I'm smarter?
So what if others are envious?
So what if there are people worse off then me?
So what if people wish they were me?

I just wanted something simple.
And it has been acknowledged before, that yes, it is simple.
Hence its simplicity, is not in my mind only.
But why is it so hard for me to get that simple something?
Despite knowing full well what I want.
Despite being aligned to my wishes.
Despite having the same dreams and hopes.

Why am I still suffering?
Why did you choose to make those awful choices and stand by them?
Why did you still stand by them knowing it's killing the both of us?

Why?