Burden

"Sometimes, people chose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they stay."

So many thoughts buzzing in my head.. but none of them suitable or capable of transmitting my thoughts and ideals into this post.

They're either lackluster or they're half-truths, which would simply cause misunderstandings. Perhaps it is a better choice to keep my thoughts to myself. Afterall, I'm pretty sure I know what's right and what's wrong, in my head at least.

Yes, I've seen that there was a chance for things to be made right again.
Yes, I've tried and know that if I wanted to, I can make things go back again.
Yes, I've noticed the sacrifices made and the pain endured.
Yes, I know that I am the one who will decide what happens next.
Yes, I am willing to still put in effort to make everything better for the future.

But no.

I've seen and identified a vicious cycle:

Mistrust, Accusation, Indignation, Deceit, Regret, Denial.

And it'll just start all over again. And each time the magnitude of the problem will just simply continue to grow and become worse. It doesn't matter if it'll take days, weeks, months. It will happen. Because I understand myself. Because I understand you.

I've already been unfair. It's time to stop this and cut this here. This is for the best. This isn't about me being willing to change and hence will make the change happen.

This is about me being me, and the fact that I cannot change the very being that I am.

The best that I can do is to simply ensure that the cycle of mistrust and deceit does not continue to grow.

And the only way to do that... is extremely painful.

I await my judgement.