Control

Surprisingly, when one thinks about it long enough.. will one then be able to understand what that nagging subconscious thought was.

Control.

To be able to control and to be controlled. Sounds illogical and yet so simple.

I needed that person to control me, to prevent me from going astray. I needed that person to be able to make me be willing to do so willingly, and be obedient enough to obey my wishes.

Clearly this is not the case, whether before or after. I thought I had found it, but realize now that it is impossible, due to deceit and uncertainty.

Hence my search begins anew. =)


It is only a matter of time.