What we mentioned the other day got me thinking. And hence my promise to you that I'd pen down my thoughts and one day pass it to you when it's suitable.
For all of the happiness that we've created and all the sorrows that we've shared, I realized that, I'm not supposed to be in your life. I'm not the person who should be doing this, but yet, by some strange twist of fate, I am.
Hearing more about your past and your present, I know, with a misguided sense of surety, that one day, I will step out of your life as suddenly as i stepped in today.
But when the day I do, I will know, from the bottom of my heart, that you'll be OK from here on.
The path we'll walk until the day we part, would no doubt be one of your brightest, for it is in the darkest days of our lives that the smallest spark of hope would turn out to be the only source of light.
I'm glad that I'm both your light and guide in your dark times, but I'm afraid that once that is over, so will I be gone. Simply because there is no use of a flame when you have the sun.
You'd probably feel I've broken my promises and whatnot, but the truth is: this has always been my true purpose. To see you walk again on your own and be the person you've always used to be. That's all I'll ever want.
As I type this message, I'm struggling with my inner demons. It is all so easy to forsake that which I hold dear and simply go along with you. This way I know for sure that until the end of days have come, you will be safe, always.
But I am a coward. I dare not imagine a future of a different outcome. As much as my heart hurts for me to let you go, my cowardice refuses to let me take any other actions.
That is why I do not deserve to be the one who will walk with you to the end of your journey.
As of this moment when I do pass this message to you, you'll probably have already found your other. I just hope that this time, you'll learn from mistakes of the past, and never make them again. Use your judgement. Trust is important but always be weary. Should I ever have to return to your side, I'm afraid things will never be the same again.
Your cheerfulness and inner strength will get you far in life. It is my honor to have been your healer/confidant/strength, but our ways part from here on.
Hence, it is with both pride and tears as I bid you all the best, and good-bye.
With love,
K
11th October 2010.
To a (un)certain future.
P.S.: This was supposed to be written on the 10th of October 2010, based on the events that happened that day. You have a great memory, you should know very well.
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