Swinging, swinging, swinging, never stopping. The pendulum that's in my mind is just going non-stop. Not surprisingly, given that I'm probably making the biggest decision of my life. Although I'm thankful I have another couple of months before I am required to give my answer, I hate the indecisiveness that riddles me as of this moment.
Never before have I been so indecisive. Dilemmas are common, and are usually resolved within a day or so. Serious issues have never taken me more than a week's consideration to come up with a decision. And yet...
Swing, swing, swing.
I cannot decide. For the first time of my life, as much as I keep telling myself I have decided... I cannot.
My girlfriend was right. I have plunged too deep and went overboard. Everything is too late now. There is no chance for me to extract myself without hurting anyone.
Why, oh why, oh why...?
To save one is to condemn the other. To please one is to hurt the other. Why must decisions be so binary? I did not wish for anyone to be hurt.
And it doesn't help that the niggling voices in my head are fighting each other too.
"You know your decision, follow it! You have wanted to do this long ago!"
"You knew there's uncertainty and could end up worse! End it now!"
"Hell no, you promised to protect her, you know what she thinks!"
"You're trading what you want: simplicity, for complexity! Are you sure?!"
"You're sticking to something you weren't sure you wanted, are you sure?!"
"Admit it: it was your desires that bought about this!"
"Why are you wavering? Is that why you're in a dilemma?"
"Don't wanna admit your feelings have changed?"
"Honor your agreement and plans!"
"Why are you giving up now?"
"Is she really worth it?"
And here I was, trying to deceive myself into thinking that the days free from worries and frustration were here to stay.
Until my decision is finalized.. I'll never be worry-free.
And I suspect whichever decision I make.. will result in regrets.
Is it possible to protect two at once?
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